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Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.
Always do right- this will gratify some and astonish the rest.
2 + 2 = 5, for extremely large values of 2.
The difference between pornography and erotica is lighting.
Jesus may love you, but I think you\'re garbage wrapped in skin.
An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Everything is drive-through. In California, they even have a burial service called Jump-In-The-Box.
Yes, I\'m fat, but you\'re ugly and I can go on a diet.
The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it.
Success usually comes to those who are too busy to be looking for it
Maybe there is no actual place called hell. Maybe hell is just having to listen to our grandparents breathe through their noses when they\'re eating sandwiches.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.
The difference between \'involvement\' and \'commitment\' is like an eggs-and-ham breakfast: the chicken was \'involved\' - the pig was \'committed\'.
Some men, in order to prevent the supposed intentions of their adversaries, have committed the most enormous cruelties.
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.
All are lunatics, but he who can analyze his delusion is called a philosopher.
Military glory -- that attractive rainbow, that rises in showers of blood -- that serpent\'s eye, that charms to destroy...
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
The internet is not something you just dump something on. It\'s not a truck. It\'s a series of tubes!
The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.
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... one of the main causes of the fall of the Roman Empire was that, lacking zero, they had no way to indicate successful termination of their C programs.
He managed to stupid himself right into the White House.
Time is the best teacher; Unfortunately it kills all its students!
Biologically speaking, if something bites you it\'s more likely to be female.
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice. But, in practice, there is.
Just because bulldozers are used to build highways doesn\'t mean bulldozers are the best way to travel on a highway.
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Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
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Politicians are like diapers. They should be changed often, and for the same reason.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
If there?s one thing I know it?s God does love a good joke.
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
When I told the people of Northern Ireland that I was an atheist, a woman in the audience stood up and said, \'Yes, but is it the God of the Catholics or the God of the Protestants in whom you don\'t believe?
We should leave our minds open, but not so open that our brains fall out.
How wrong it is for a woman to expect the man to build the world she wants, rather than to create it herself.
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It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
If we knew what it was we were doing, it would not be called research, would it?
Linux is like living in a teepee. No Windows, no Gates, Apache in house.
Under conditions of competition, standards are set by the morally least reputable agent.
Java: the elegant simplicity of C++ and the blazing speed of Smalltalk.
The covers of this book are too far apart.
Roses are #FF0000 Violets are #0000FF All my base are belong to you!
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
Always go to other people\'s funerals, otherwise they won\'t come to yours.
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Ever notice that anyone going slower than you is an idiot, but anyone going faster is a maniac?
Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, \'Where have I gone wrong?\' Then a voice says to me, \'This is going to take more than one night.\'
Good teaching is one-fourth preparation and three-fourths theater.
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I don\'t pray because I don\'t want to bore God.
Thank you for sending me a copy of your book - I\'ll waste no time reading it.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
To love oneself is the beginning of a lifelong romance
A camel is a horse designed by a committee
My occupation now, I suppose, is jail inmate.
Humor is also a way of saying something serious.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
My opinions might have changed, but not the fact that I am right.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
Genius may have its limitations, but stupidity is not thus handicapped.
The shepherd always tries to persuade the sheep that their interests and his own are the same.
If you think it\'s simple, then you have misunderstood the problem.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
Having the source code is the difference between buying a house and renting an apartment.
Hanlon\'s Razor: Never attribute to malice that which can be adequately explained by stupidity.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
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I\'m not going to have some reporters pawing through our papers. We are the president.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
I am an expert of electricity. My father occupied the chair of applied electricity at the state prison.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
The study of non-linear physics is like the study of non-elephant biology.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
Smoking is one of the leading causes of statistics.
Testing proves the presence, not the absence, of bugs.
The use of COBOL cripples the mind; its teaching should, therefore, be regarded as a criminal offense.
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Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere, may be happy.
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.
I have four children which is not bad considering I\'m not a Catholic.
A mathematician is a device for turning coffee into theorems.
Human history becomes more and more a race between education and catastrophe.
Sex is like air. It\'s only a big deal if you can\'t get any.
The artist is nothing without the gift, but the gift is nothing without work.
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Barab?si\'s Law of Programming: Program development ends when the program does what you expect it to do ? whether it is correct or not.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
I Can\'t Think Of Anything Reasonable To Counter Your Argument Or Don\'t Have The Least Inkling Of The Subject So I Will Resort To Name Calling And Hope I Can Get Away With It.
It is unbecoming for young men to utter maxims.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
If you were plowing a field, which would you rather use? Two strong oxen or 1024 chickens?
I have not failed. I\'ve just found 10,000 ways that won\'t work.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
I heard someone tried the monkeys-on-typewriters bit trying for the plays of W. Shakespeare, but all they got was the collected works of Francis Bacon.
The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a \'C\', the idea must be feasible.
I once heard two ladies going on and on about the pains of childbirth and how men don\'t seem to know what real pain is. I asked if either of them ever got themselves caught in a zipper.
The most important job is not to be Governor, or First Lady in my case.
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Pardon him, Theodotus; he is a barbarian, and thinks that the customs of his tribe and island are the laws of nature.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
Beware of bugs in the above code; I have only proven it correct, not tried it.
Everything has been figured out, except how to live.
Democracy is where you can say what you think even if you don\'t think.
It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.
The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.
Reality is that which, when you stop believing in it, doesn\'t go away.
If you haven\'t got anything nice to say about anybody, come sit next to me.
Rarely is the question asked: Is our children learning?
A good sermon should be like a woman\'s skirt: short enough to arouse interest but long enough to cover the essentials.
To the Honourable Member opposite I say, when he goes home tonight, may his mother run out from under the porch and bark at him
When the rich think about the poor, they have poor ideas.
It\'s wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.
You\'ll notice that Nancy Reagan never drinks water when Ronnie speaks.
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same reactions in the brain as marijuana. The researchers also discovered other similarities between the two but can\'t remember what they are.
Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
Once is happenstance. Twice is coincidence. Three times is enemy action.
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Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Education is a progressive discovery of our own ignorance.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes
We don\'t make mistakes, we just have happy little accidents.
Talent does what it can; genius does what it must.
It\'s dangerous to underestimate the intelligence of a customer who grew a business that\'s successful enough to require a large and complex set of software
Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
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The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good.
Humor is the only test of gravity, and gravity of humor; for a subject which will not bear raillery is suspicious, and a jest which will not bear serious examination is false wit.
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.
When you\'ve seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.
God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh.
Men are not disturbed by things, but the view they take of things.
I have spoken many a word, therefore, it is fact.
I don\'t even butter my bread; I consider that cooking.
Computers are useless; they can only give you answers.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Imagine if every Thursday your shoes exploded if you tied them the usual way. This happens to us all the time with computers, and nobody thinks of complaining.
It is better to be quotable than to be honest.
If it wasn\'t for C, we\'d be writing programs in BASI, PASAL, and OBOL.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
The cynics are right nine times out of ten.
If FORTRAN has been called an infantile disorder, then PL/I must be classified as a fatal disease.
Forgive your enemies, but never forget their names.
A little inaccuracy sometimes saves a ton of explanation.
A poem is never finished, only abandoned.
Don\'t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.
Computer /nm./: a device designed to speed and automate errors.
I want to die in my sleep like my grandfather... not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car...
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
The full use of your powers along lines of excellence.
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They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
It\'s clearly a budget. It\'s got a lot of numbers in it.
Getting an education was a bit like a communicable sexual disease. It made you unsuitable for a lot of jobs and then you had the urge to pass it on.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:26
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